Exploring the Edges of Comfort and Familiarity to Find Aliveness

In the short run, it may feel easier to follow the crowd, do what’s expected of us, silence our truth, and not rock the boat—but at some point, if we’re lucky, we find we can no longer live this way.

by SergeyNivens from Getty Images

The way I look at it, one of the choices we get to make in life is whether to

→ stay within the lines, or

→ expand beyond them

We can play it safe by comfortably staying in the bubble of what we know and what’s familiar. In this case, we often shrink ourselves to fit within the confines of lines of external expectations, fears, limiting beliefs, roles, and rules.

Or we can explore around the edges. We can ask questions, get curious, and push against what we think we know. We can put one toe on the other side and see if it’s safe before succumbing to our fears. We learn to build safety within ourselves and take some risks to chart new territories, discover new ideas, and explore what else might be possible.

» I’m here for those who choose door #2: to explore life at the edges (ELATE).

According to The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition, the word elate /ĭ-lāt′/ means to fill with great joy or happiness; delight.

I’m here for the adventurers and questioners. The ones dancing in the middle. The curious seekers.

Those of us who care about doing the “right thing.”

But we’re willing to have our minds changed.

We know we don’t have all of the answers.

And realize that the “right thing” isn’t always obvious and straightforward.

We crave nuance, different perspectives, and viewpoints that honor the complexity of life’s challenges.

We wonder, “What else is possible?” “What am I not seeing?” “What if the opposite is true?”

Yes, it might be uncomfortable at times. And we may resist at first.

But deep in our core, we long for what brings us closer to the truth.

Closer to reality.

We don’t just follow the map as it was given to us.

We question the ideas and programming we were imprinted with.

We’re here to learn from the past, take what’s valuable from our experiences, and weave it into a new path forward.

We’re willing to excavate the layers of conditioning, programming, and beliefs imposed upon us so we can find our own “truth.”

Sure, it may feel easier to stick with door #1—to stay in the comfortable cocoon of confirmation bias, seeking out that which supports what we believe and basking in the momentary dopamine rush of safety and familiarity.

But, if we want to feel ELATED, we need to get closer to three things:

1. Experiencing congruence between who we are on the inside and how we show up on the outside

2. Feeling free (internally and externally) to express our unique thoughts, feelings, and perspectives in the world, especially if they’re divergent or unpopular

3. Being present with life as it is, rather than as we think we need it to be to feel safe and secure

This inner alignment, integrity, self-expression, and ability to have a direct experience with life as it’s happening is where pleasure and joy, hence, elation, reside.

And we get this by exploring life at the edges.

What’s an Edge?

Think of an edge as a place within you where you start to feel a little uncomfortable—where you notice you feel scared, contracted, or resistant and may think you should pull back.

An edge is that point where you're being invited to go beyond what you know and where you’ve been–where some part of you is being asked to take a risk, get curious, explore, or do something different than you’ve done in the past.

It’s a place where you meet a challenge, an opportunity to explore your limits, an invitation to step away from what feels familiar and comfortable and expand beyond your current thinking, experience, or way of being in the world.

To see what else is possible.

But, the default way of living is to stay within the lines of the familiar or safe zone.

We all know someone whose life seems so small and regimented—they’re set in their ways—year after year, eating the same foods, watching the same news channels, getting the same haircuts, and living the same routines because they’re too afraid to do different, scary, or hard things.

It requires intentionality, courage, and commitment to challenge the edges of what’s familiar and comfortable.

To expand and grow.

In the short run, it may feel easier to follow the crowd, do what’s expected of us, silence our truth, and not rock the boat—but at some point, if we’re lucky, we find we can no longer live this way.

Because our souls long for more.

Our soul longs for us to free ourselves from external ideas, shoulds, beliefs, limitations, and pressures.

To find and speak our truth. To do what enlivens us. To rock the boat. To question the crowd.

When we reach an edge, we can acknowledge the fear, worry, desire to stay safe, and urge to turn back—and, instead, choose to do the inner work needed to create inner safety and expand our capacity to push beyond our perceived limits.

When we do this, we experience the thrill of being fully alive, elated, and inspired by our lives.

Not just living vicariously, not succumbing to the pressure to conform, but rather incrementally becoming free to bring our whole and true selves into everything we do.

Living On the Edge

Somehow, Facebook has decided I want to see videos of mountain bikers riding on 6-inch trails on the side of mountains, skiers dropping out of helicopters skiing off-piste and narrowly escaping avalanches, and hikers crossing ice patches across treacherous crevices.

Dude, that’s some intense stuff, and I love (and cringe) to watch.

But, to be clear, exploring life at the edges is very different from “living on the edge,” where one is an adrenaline and excitement chaser, seeking increasingly more dangerous, risky, and thrilling experiences.

Exploring life at the edges is a more internal, emotional, relational, and spiritual process.

It may sometimes feel scary, thrilling, and risky and get our adrenaline flowing.

But mostly, it’s a gentle process of reclaiming our truth and wholeness, our access to the present moment, and our aliveness.

As I think about it…I wonder if that’s what we’re all seeking: To feel fully alive.

Here, on my Substack, we’ll be exploring these edges together.

You don’t have to agree with me. You don’t even have to like what I say.

But I invite you to allow it to push your edges a bit.

The more uncomfortable you are, the more likely there’s something in there for you, ready to be explored.

I’m glad you’re here.

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One reason we have a hard time pushing beyond what feels comfortable, familiar, and safe is that it brings up fear, anxiety, anger, defensiveness, and the desire to run away! Until we know how to work with our emotional triggers, they’ll limit what’s possible for us and keep us from feeling fully alive and present. Get instant and free access to my 3 Keys to Master Your Emotional Triggers Guidebook here!